Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Essay correction #1


Here is the first in a series of online corrections I will make available for those of you who are interesting in analyzing the essay coaching I provide to my online students. To download the PDF is just $4, which I think is reasonable considering the original price of the correction was $25 (or in the case of some of the older essays I corrected, $10).

The essay that the student submitted to me was in response to this question:

Increasingly, the western world has been outsourcing its labour-related jobs to cheaper alternatives available in less-developed countries. Although this creates opportunities for people in poorer nations, it is a policy that is criticized by many in the west. Write an essay response supporting the case for the outsourcing of labour related jobs.

By purchasing the file available for download, you will receive:
  1. The essay as originally written by the student
  2. My corrections and comments on the students writing (written in red and blue)
  3. A polished version of the essay written by me
My hope is that you may garner some benefit through analyzing the learning process of others. At the top of this post you can see a quick screenshot of the document you will get after submitting $4 to my PayPal account (please click the image for a closer look). It is 4 pages long (5 with cover page). After payment, the document will be instantly sent to your email.

Pay with Paypal through Juzaz EasyPay
(Click 'BUY NOW' to purchase Essay correction #1.)
Posted by at 11:21 PM

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My new eBook! IELTS Task 2: How to write at a 9 level

I have completed an eBook summarizing all of the information presented in my videos and more. Here is a small video description of the book: You can buy the book right now for only $5 USD! It will be emailed to you the moment your payment goes through. Click 'Buy Now' and receive my eBook in less than 2 minutes!
Pay with Paypal through Juzaz EasyPay

Study online with Ryan!

Perhaps you know my videos from YouTube or my blog, my name is Ryan and I am an IELTS prep instructor in Shanghai. I am originally Canadian and became a very enthusiastic IELTS instructor after teaching IELTS essay prep for three wonderful years at a number of universities in Dubai (including The University of Wollongong Dubai, St. Petersburg State University Dubai and SZABIST Technical Institute Dubai). I have helped thousands of students succeed on their IELTS exam. My specialty is instruction for the written portions of the IELTS exam (please visit my YouTube page to see some examples of my teaching style).

"Thank you very much for posting such superb videos. Because of it, I scored a band 8 for IELTS with an individual score of 8 as well for the writing module. =D"
-musicloverboi

Examples of my online teaching ...

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How does Ryan's online course work?

The process is simple.


The online course I run is an easy way for you to quickly improve your writing, while receiving personal feedback from me. The course works like this:

1. First, I will submit 3 random IELTS essay questions to you by email.

2. You may take as long as you need to respond to these questions. You may also respond to them one-by-one (if you'd like to have my feedback before attempting the next question). You can email your responses to me.

3. I correct your submission, then send you a .doc file with my corrections and guidance. To see an example of what this file looks like, click here.

For this course, I charge $75 USD (that's $25 USD per essay). Payment is very easy and I can accept all credit cards and bank transfers through my PayPal account (please click the Pay Now link to send payment). All other inquiries can be sent to my email address at ryanthiggins@gmail.com.


Here is an example submission from one of my online students...

Their essay question was:

"Damage to the environment is an inevitable consequence of worldwide improvements in the standard of living. Discuss."

And here is the essay Andy submitted to me:

The continually improvements of our living today have an impact on the environment. This consequence is seen throughout the world. It is agreed that in order to make our lives better the continue development it would have inevitable effect on the environment as well as welfare on us. This will be shown by analyzing how such an impact it's reflection in the environment and our well-being.

We always look forward to introducing new features that will replace those ones that is already commonly used in our society and big corporations are always in searching for things to impress us again and again. Lets take for instance the revolutionary new forms in the mobile phones, these require development of the new methods. To produce such phones the engineers have to think days, month or even years and they will have to use electricity to run the computers, lights etc. At the same time the power generating stations will have to supply them with more power and so more emissions into the air will be released.

In addition, If the new technology continues it's development, the more bad effect of it will be seen on us. In those counties where muss-production took place the citizens have already serious health issues related to air pollution. Despite the fact that people experience illnesses caused by emissions of harmful gases into the atmosphere, those countries still keep on making new technology.

In conclusion, the damage on the environment and us will have place in the near future in order to fulfill our needs. Until we find the new way of making our living better in terms of free of pollution environment, we will be paying greatly by our welfare.

Here is a copy of the file I sent back to this student: Ryan's comments, corrections and feedback

I send a detailed file like this to all of the students I work with online, and I will send one to you too!

Contact me directly if you have any other questions about this course at ryanthiggins@gmail.com.

Good luck!

Ryan